It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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