Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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