How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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