I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
