I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
