we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize