I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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