im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
