There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
