I wish they made helmets for livers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
