Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
