we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize