marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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