Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
