On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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