Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
