He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
