I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
