yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
