So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
