My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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