Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
