I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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