Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
