just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
