I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
