I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
