I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
