whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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