did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
