I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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