Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
