im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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