Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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