So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
