You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
