i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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