you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
