i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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