Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
