And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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