hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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