y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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