We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
