It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
