Your tits are I can't wait for
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
