That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
