I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
