also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
