Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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