my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
