Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
