I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
