Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
