fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
where are you?
Hypothermia
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize