Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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