when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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