Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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