Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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