I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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