You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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