Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
