My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
