Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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