I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
