She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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