i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
