I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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