There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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