I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
