Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
