and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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