you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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