I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
